Archive for ‘August, 2013’

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large — I contain multitudes.”
-Walt Whitman


CHANGE. Just because you don’t see or feel it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. I mean, the first time I realized that I’ve changed since my cake-peering days (above) was… probably last Thursday.

But then when you stop and take stock of all the millions of ways, it blindsides you at the busy four-way intersection of your 4:30 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon.

Over and over these past few weeks, I’ve caught myself shouldering a wooly mammoth of a mindset: that some infinite, nonexistent, melty thing is MISSING and I’m stuck/stagnant because I can’t find it.

But here’s really what it is like.

Your Google Maps tells you to turn down Avenue C, and you turn down Avenue X instead. Google Maps is not happy. Google Maps shouts “RECALCULATING….” And the anxiety of a botched turn, a miscalculated step, of having to navigate an awkward, uncharted, potentially thorny and dangerously unpredictable substitute makes you freeze from the inside out, marrow to hair follicles. A stalactite of nerves, you don’t even notice the alternate equally-or-more-awesome path in front of you.

That is what I was doing. I was stuck on RECALCULATING and thus failing to see the new, shiny, recalculated, fabulously unknown path. I was driving so hard to go from Point A to Point Z that I didn’t realize the serendipity and potential magic in the detour of exploring Point C-Y just because I couldn’t U-turn back onto B. (HOW’S THAT FOR SOME ALPHABET SOUP?)

Ignoring growth furthers recession into ourselves; acknowledging growth helps the onward blooming. Cubs turn into kings and queens of the jungle. People see themselves as people, not good people or bad people. Hearts heal. Someone lets oxygen into the vacuum. So much rejigging worth digging.


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